i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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