you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
