do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
