Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize