brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
