WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
