I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
