So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
