Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
