Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
