just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
