The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
