i already hear my dad disowning me
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
