I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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