Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
