Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
