I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
