last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
