I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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