Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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