You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
