A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
