Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
