I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
