Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
We have started to decorate penises.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
