Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
