In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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