Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
