you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize