I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
