Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
