when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
