Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
