omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize