I think im going to throw up on grandma
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
