imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
