Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
