my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
