Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
