my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
