Acid is not a monday night drug
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
