like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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