You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
