1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I don't deserve a penis
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize