On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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