wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
