Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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