I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
