our cab driver is having phone sex.
there was a trapeze. enough said
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
