i'm signing you up for texting rehab
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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