It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
