I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
