Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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