This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Randomize
