We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
