It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
