doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
It's shark week go big or go home
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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