Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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