i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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