ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
a search helicopter?!
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
