I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
