He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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