apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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